Happyblox

Thank God For Jack

Sorry I have not posted in a while. Projects everywhere, keeping busy. I will post up some new Happybox created links soon. In the meantime, take comfort that Jack knows all.....right?

The Complete Guide to the Future from Everything Is Terrible on Vimeo.

This Is Why The World Hates Us

My friend Felix sent this around, with my title as the subject line. He is right. I am disgusted.

Still Laughing @ "What If God Disapeared" Video.

glumbert - What If God Disapeared?

*Updated* Top 3 Most Disturbing Jesus Music Videos. (now 4)

Look, I don't care who you pray to... Allah, Buddha or even some guy named Bob but you have to admit when it comes to disturbing, too horrible to be ignored, off the planet weird music videos they are almost always about The Big J. Granted there are some pretty strange Scientology videos out there as well but not as much singing and dancing. For some reason serious Jesus fans just have a knack for uploading home movies that lack even the glimmer of creativity, the spark of genius or god for bid ANY production value. Frankly, while they entertain the shit out of me they kind of scare me too. Not because it's Jesus, although in such matters he is considered a red flag but more because these people are so into believing they forget about living. Every line to every song to every dance step taken is with Jesus in mind. Kind of one tracked. Stop and smell the flowers.... what? Yes, I am sure Jesus stopped to smell the flow... you know what, never mind.

Video #3. The Jesus Dance.
This video from Dumpalink (no embedding so, yes you have to click you lazy bastards) includes the greatest dancer of all time, in the middle. Wait for it.Waaaiiiit foor iiit.

Video #2. Jesus Is My Friend song.

This sad video stars a bunch of people who missed the rock and roll bus but are living the glory through their public access church channel. No, that's not a set up for disaster at all!

Video #1. Mark Fox as Little Markie.

This disturbing music video comes from SHOCKER Miami. (originally posted on HAPPYBLOX here)  Yes it is where the Jews go to die, but it is also, apparently, where a large number of freaky Christians in equally freaky sweaters hang out. Who knew? Again, wait for it, around 1:05.

*Updated*

Video #4. Preacher Baby.

Sometimes you need to see a baby imitating what it sees to realize how amazingly ignorant you sound.

Impossible? No, Christian Music Now Sucks Even More.

I know, I know, how could it get any worse than Stryper right? Oh it gets worse my friends. Much much worse. Much like the rings of hell I suppose Stryper is only but the cusp of Christian rock suckieness. (see this vid of Scott Ian from Anthrax's take on opening for Stryper.... worth the click.) In fact it would take a higher power to properly gauge exactly how much suckatude has been produced from this genre of music. Impossible for mere mortals to calculate. Your really setting yourself up for failure as a religious rock band to begin with. It's rock, the epitome of discourse and rebellion. Somehow prayer circles and bible stories don't seem to blend in there too well. I was honestly looking up Christian rock bands to link you little buggers to but I can't do it. I can't sit though one video so I will not ask you to do the same. Except one. This video sinks even Christian rock to a new low. Make that music to a new low. Just because you can "do a voice" doesn't mean you should.....ever.


Oh and I am not being bias, I think Matisyahu sucks too.

A Rant About Religious Foundations

What if it were true and life is found on other planets, even in our own solar system? Would we really be unchained from religion? Or will we most likely all look at each other, preaching to the quire and going “you see? You see there is no god!” all the while converting nobody and changing nothing. Faith is a genuine emotion, something a lot of religious critics fail to talk about. It is a real emotion twisted and used against its own patrons by the Church but faith is probably twisted a little farther than most. That is to say they seem to get more juice… zombie juice… from faith. Lust is notoriously repressed as is greed although the Church excels at both but falls short on faith. It is the one emotion “the faithful” have retained however false the direction. The clergy have faith, don’t get me wrong but from different eyes. They claim they are closer to god when the structure of the church itself  defines everything god is supposed to be against. Free thinking is frowned upon, horrible crimes go unpunished and faith directly collides with power and politics. This is inside knowledge to Church officials and that simply has to affect your faith. The faith of the Spanish housewife praying for her kids or the Greek mason worker at Sunday mass is greater than the pope’s. Their faith is clean and pure regardless of the fact that it is coupled with ignorance and a lot of the time active ignorance.

Finding non intelligent life on another planet will not have the mass scientific conversion a lot of people think it will. The faithful have already ignored countless research and educated theories and scientific laws so what is another lame science fact to them brought to you by the Mr. Wizards of this world who make fun of God by trying to use the brain he gave them? Nothing. The blind will remain blind and the visionaries will continue to shock and awe the percentage of the community who will listen and honor different views and ideas about why we are here and who we think we are. I suppose each end of the coin is still the same coin because to believe in science requires an amount of faith too. Of course it’s backed up by reason among other things but there is some faith in there too. Just like I have faith in nothing shaking the religious foundations of this world short of the return of the messiah, so we can finally see who was right.

If it’s a flying spaghetti monster I win.

Go Pink Tigers!

Swap the tables and you see how ridiculous the Christian stance is on homosexuality specifically, but in general just about everything.

glumbert - Gay scientists isolate Christian gene

Dig The Happybox Lights.

Today I bring you Happybox lights. Recharge your Human powers before it's rich glow. Huddle around it and hold hands to it like an ever present ever burning fire. Submit to the square perfection. Shake in the midst of it's humbling power.

So I bought this funky lamp at Ikia and then I drew on it with a Sharpie. *ahem*

Get on your knees before the mighty smiling deity!

Religious Haikus For Sunday.

Ever on my quest to debunk religion as a whole, I have written some Haiku poems describing each religion. This way it will be easy for the kids to pick out which story they have to believe in. What? It's better than being born into it, this way you have no false connections. God, that's what we need, more false connections. Anyway, enjoy and God bless.

Christianity:
Virgin birthed a son
He preached peaceful things be done
Returned as a ghost

Judaism:
God gave Moses rules
He marched the slaves to freedom
and a burning bush?

Hinduism:
Souls in life reborn
Many gods bring good Karma
pleasure and success

Islam:
Surrender to God
Muhammad's revelation
the final prophet

Scientology:
Pay for your level
Xenu the alien waits
bend spoons with your mind

Pastafarian:
Spaghetti monster's
noodely appendages
beer volcanoes flow

Agnostic:
I believe in God
but your stories make me sick
God would be sick too

Atheist:
God does not exist
so your stories make me sick
don't worry so much

Of course all these poems have been approved by the Council Representing All Practices, a group that I just made up, insuring that everyone associated with any of these religious or un-religious practices approves of these Haiku's as viable descriptions of their said religion.

Religious Leader Reveals Small Part Of The Lie.

This article in the Telegraph UK says it all. The Archbishop, you know, one of those funny lookin' dudes, was quoted as saying the nativity scene is just a legend. (thank you Felix for this find)
"Dr Rowan Williams has claimed there was little evidence that the Magi even existed and there was certainly nothing to prove there were three of them or that they were kings."
If you ask me, which you didn't but this is my blog (god I hate that word) so I will tell you anyway, this is just a tiny fraction of bullshit the church is WELL aware of. I bet he gets demoted. No more fancy silk robes or funny hats for YOU! I bet his I.Q. went up 20 points after that realization.
So this Christmas, think of Happyblox and burn your tree, tell your neighbor to buy his own god damn presents and finish the eggnog face first. Then go to sleep with a smile knowing there is no one judging you and you will never have to account for your actions. Good deeds should not be done in the face of threats, good deeds should not be done in light of saving your own ass. They should be done because your a good person and you don't need some earthly swindler claiming he has a direct link to your supernatural judge to make you do them. Be nice because being nice feels good. If Jesus was here right now I would smack him with a dead fish.